User blog:Bond em7/Bullying, Harassment, and Quidditch

So...I hate posting blogs. I've found that I only tend to do it when there's some massive issue that needs to be addressed, and I ALWAYS end up writing a huge wall of text which is much longer than I intended it to be. I figured when I stepped down from the Administration team I would essentially fade into the background and while I've tried to keep up as best as I can, I know that to some extent I have fallen to the wayside on knowing everything that's going on here, and RPing with almost every user. Some who have been on here I've never RPed with both due to my lack of time and effort, and for that I apologize...I wish it were different. Anyway...that's a rabbit hole for another blog (or maybe the end of this one). I'm going to attempt to stay on topic here, and I plan to make some pointed comments about some of the things I've seen recently going on here. Hopefully just by writing this and getting it out of chat and PMs and here into a form where people can THINK before they post, and can comment, things will hopefully get worked out to some extent as opposed to it festering in the background and nothing happening. I realize posting this might ruffle a few feathers, but honestly I don't care because what I'm writing needs to be said, and if what I write bothers you, maybe you need to consider if you've been part of the problem. Bullying is bad...don't do it. Seems such a simple statement but...over the many years I've been here I see it over and over again. I've posted many blog about this in the past, so you can always go see what I've written before, but I'll do my best to summarize it here in as short a manner as possible for those who have read these things before. The internet makes us feel much bolder to post what we like and not consider the consequences because if we hurt someone we don't have to look them in the face, and if we don't want to we don't have to apologize. The problem with that is that communicating purely by test is hard since we can't use tone, body language, etc and things can often be taken out of context or interpreted badly. Worse, we forget there's other people on the wiki and that they're not just bots but have feelings and we can hurt them through our comments. Worse is when we decide to do it intentionally, saying mean things or being cruel to someone to get our way. That's what's called bullying and oddly enough while this wiki has always had a ZERO-tolerance policy against it, I don't think I've ever seen anyone get punished for it other than a slap-on-the-wrist owl saying to stop. Harassment...this is bad...you shouldn't do it either. Sounds stupid when I say it like that, but it still seems to happen quite a bit around here. I Googled it for a solid definition and here's what came up: aggressive pressure or intimidation. I've seen a lot of that going around lately, especially OOC about the Quidditch Cup. I've seen it on chat, in RPs through characters, on talk pages, etc. I honestly don't know how to put it any better than this, but resorting to a tactic like this to get what you want is childish. It means that you put your goal (and in the case of this wiki your RPing FAKE character's goals) above the feelings of real people. You're saying you care more about your character than another user, who's real, has feelings, and is on this wiki for the same reasons you are. Read what I just wrote again. If that's not acting like a child on the playground where you care more about your dolly and her feelings than another kid's...I don't know what is. So...that brings us to Quidditch. I understand the need to win. How great it feels to put together a working team or RP family with a good number of users, and how much fun it is to RP out that group dynamic, which is really hard in this wiki format because of schedules and waiting for people to post and the like. Quidditch is really our best effort at this sort of thing, and it's AWESOME fun. The issue is that it seems like some people have decided that their character winning is more important that other users, and they feel that resorting to Bullying or Harassment is ok to get that goal. Personally, my policy is that doing ANYTHING IC that will hurt a user OOC is irresponsible and wrong...and any of you who have been around me long enough have seen me change things in my RPs and my characters because users were hurt or upset by it OOC. While there's a difference between listening to someone who's whining about something for no reason, and a legitimate concern, I've always tried to do what I can OOC to put the users and friends on this wiki BEFORE any of my characters, no matter how important that character was to me OOC. I've literally killed off characters IC that I loved to try to help solve OOC problems. So...as you can imagine, it hurts me to see people making the opposite choice about a fake quidditch game and hurting users through their actions. I'm not in any position of authority to do anything about any of what's happened IC or OOC, except write what I believe is right here. That responsibility belongs to those on the administration team. As I said I don't really know everything that's been going on IC or OOC on the wiki anymore, but if it's those on the Administration Team doing this, then shame on them. I've also written blogs on how Leaders should act, and how it's the responsibility of those on the Administration team to put other users feelings and issues before their own, especially before those of their characters. Being a leader means being held to a higher standard, and actually being HELD accountable for their actions. I'm not saying people need to be removed from authority positions over this...but I am saying that at the least some apologies and clear communication will be needed going forward. First step is realizing there's an issue. I'm sure others have realized it and I'm slow on the uptake due to how little time (comparatively) I spend on here. People know there's an issue. If they don't...now that they've read my wall of text they do. Great...it's out there in the open. Now what? Next, we need to realize mistakes were made. It happens to everyone. Sometimes they're simple, and sometimes more complex. Sometimes it's simple hurt feelings and sometimes the wounds are much deeper. Owning up to the fact that you made a mistake can be the hardest part because that means accepting you did something wrong, you're NOT perfect, and that's hard to accept. Once you've realized that and accepted it... Apologizing. This can be harder than accepting you made the mistake. It's not easy to tell someone you messed up, and you hurt them through it. Still, it's the best easiest way to fix things and make up for it. They may not forgive you right away, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't say you're sorry for your part, big or small, in what happened. If you've apologized, then the burden of feeling guilty over it is off your shoulders, regardless of how they respond. I'm going to sum up this massive wall of text with this...a reminder. I want everyone who's taken the time to read through what I've written to remember these things. First, the other users on here are real people. They have real feelings and you can hurt them using your words and actions. Secondly, those people are probably a lot like you. You're both here on a Harry Potter Roleplaying Wiki which means you have a least a couple things in common. Thirdly, characters are NEVER as important as people IRL. Never. Putting your own characters feelings or plotlines above another user is unacceptable. Fourthly, if you're on the Administration Team, a higher standard is expected because you've been chosen as a leader here. Of all the users on here, you should be choosing to put other users first and make the sacrifices needed to make this place somewhere people want to be. Fifthly, you may not like all the other users on here, but that doesn't mean you can be mean to them. Sixthly, learning to admit you made a mistake and make amends is a valuable life skill. It'll get you ahead in the world. Finally, everyone is on here with the same goal...to make characters they care about, roleplay as them, and have a good time. I may be off base, but I see a lot of clique behavior on here where people tend to RP with only their small group and while that's not wrong, when it causes people to take sides on conflicts, or group up to harass or bully another user or group, it's a problem. The best solution for this is getting to know people outside your little group, and expanding the amount of people you RP with. While it's not always possible due to time constraints and the like...consider trying to RP with someone new soon and helping unite this community into what it should be...a group of people who have similar interests, all here for the same purpose...instead of multiple little groups who have nothing to do with one another and seem to fight and bully one another to get their way. Please feel free to post and comments, criticism, or whatever else below. Am I off base? Did you make a mistake and need to apologize to someone, either in public or in PM? What can we do to get past this and re-unite as a community? I'm only one voice...the only way things will get better is if others agree and post their ideas and opinions in addition to mine. As always, I do my best to be unbiased and point things out as I see them.