User blog comment:Ildsjel/An Open Letter/@comment-14365624-20190817170646/@comment-36484825-20190817231044

I rarely give my two cents on a blog. However, I really do feel the need to say this.

Quite frankly, I agree with both Kib and Vic and I wasn't even here for 2015. But the reactions to this blog has been, for lack of a better word, disappointing. Yes, I understand we have lives etc–I won't disagree with that. And I will say that a lot of people are trying their absolute best to balance it, myself included. This goes for people both in and out the admin team.

However, I've noticed in the past few months, though I'm inclined to say month but my timeline is always wrong (I'm not in touch with time, go figure), that editting has become sparse. We can go for a day without anyone touching DARP. And whilst there can be a slew of reasons, such as people being busy–which is fair. However, I know personally, and I know for a few other users, their reasons is simply being that they don't have the energy too edit. Once upon a time, I raced to get onto wikia but that dwindled a few months ago to the point where I'm now wondering if it's just best for everyone if I were to step down. Regardless, that's not the point of what I'm trying to say. What I'm trying to say, is that it could be a mixture of both. This is a stand alone comment. Whether people agree with me or not, is their right to do so. But maybe we should be receptive to this blog and say that maybe something does need to be done. I will say the 'crats have tried their hardest. To rebuild trust, to be receptive to what the community wants and to make it as welcoming as possible. Maybe we were a bit (very) late with approaching users about their evaluation forms. And we can give a few reasons for that. However, we did give a pathway for people to say what they thought of the admin team and we were aware of their opinions and I know the three of us have been keeping an eye on the people who received the most negative feedback and seeing whether they had improved on their own. But it's not just on us three to rebuild this community. Yes, we're the 'leaders' but it's a two way street. I put that in bunny ears just because I know the three of us have been wary of being interpreted as dictators (I hesitate to use that word but it's the word that fits, you get the drift).

However–

Just because you disagree with something doesn't mean you have the right to be cruel. You don't have the right to make anyone feel unwelcome or uncomfortable. Whilst I'm sure a lot of people felt that way once upon a time, that doesn't make it okay to suddenly turn around and make others feel that. And this goes for both users who are new and users who you don't get along with. Somewhere down the line, we lost empathy and the sense of a community. Because personally–I don't feel a part of a community and the community that I'm currently reading? I don't know if I want to be a part of that community anymore. And I'm not saying this to guilt people, or anything like that, I'm just being honest. And it's a feeling I've been dealing with the past few months.

Yes, you have the right to disagree with her. I can see points on both sides. I might even be able to see where it could be interpreted as an attack here and there but she did state quite clearly it wasn't intended as one. Regardless, that doesn't make the reaction okay either. Yes, I know I've said stuff that might contradict that statement in certain situations. However, the difference is that those situations warranted those reactions because the instigators was trying lash out. But honestly? Maybe those people actually did have a point. Maybe we should check how we react to certain situations and prove that we actually are the adults that we claim to be. Someone said to me that reading this left a bad taste in their mouth–something that I can agree with.

I'm not trying to invalidate people or how they personally feel–that's their right and people always have their initial reaction. However, I feel like there should be a line. A line where we get over our initial reaction and actually be civil with one another and work with them. Even if it means swallowing our pride.

I'm simply saying that we can try to be civil and work through things with people, even when you don't like them, instead of just making every disagreement hit the ceiling. Trust me, as a 'crat, I know and see everything. And every little thing just has to hit the fan. It's exhausting. Like actually exhausting. I don't recommend anyone going for 'crat because it's the most stressful hobby I have ever had. As Vic said, Jaye didn't mean any harm by it and she simply wanted to start a conversation on how to give DARP a boost. Controversial, maybe but still.

Right now, that's all I can think to say. My bottom line is–lashing out at someone, regardless of who's in the right/wrong and even that is subjective, doesn't make it okay. It just means one user doesn't feel welcome and it also means everyone else who sees it feels uncomfortable and put off by DARP. Whether people mean it or not, it happens. I also want to acknowledge that I wrote most of this before Livi apologised so please keep that in mind. I do appreciate Livi's response to this and, like Kib said, maybe that's an example we can follow in the future. However, I do feel like it's important to say anyway. Because I know I'm not the only user wanting to leave recently.