User:Echostar/Sandbox

"Marine Down"
I trudge through grief today and forever,

And your eyes cloud over again.

A requiem of your own endeavor,

I live for you. Amen.

The story, heard, but merely observed,

Has flashed into existence.

I see your anguish, not deserved,

As you sadly relent resistance.

I can easily chart the tragedy

Of a death chaotic yet serene.

I refuse to compose a rhapsody

Of details explicit and never pristine.

As disturbing as this sounds,

There is always worse in the world.

I have fought on many battlegrounds,

Yet there are others not unfurled.

Hell is terribly hard to imagine;

Torture to the highest degree,

For devious angels have a passion

To trap those once set free.

Physical, emotional, spiritual pain,

Can you not go on much longer?

For in hell, what is there to gain?

For love cannot make you stronger.

In these first days when water and blood

Rule my self-made prison,

Look at the whirlpool made by the flood.

Don’t glance away, just listen.

All the pain will fade away

If you remain on heaven’s path.

The sweetest memories will stay

If you never give in to wrath.

For heaven deeply cares for you

And hell cannot recall

The love that guides the best of few.

This is Lucifer’s downfall.

I understand, but it’s not enough

To relieve me of my burden.

It may not be hell, but it’s still rough

And I fear this condition may worsen.

Is this to be my consolation,

That this is not truly hell?

As I look up at your constellation,

I can only say, "Farewell."

Impressive and poignant overall. A few quibbles. One cannot relent resistance, it fades, crumbles, drifts away. Unfurl is the opening of a flag, so it's hard to see how it pertains to battlegrounds. Generally, though, clear and moving - nice work.

Subjects with Textbooks

 * Astronomy
 * Herbology
 * Alchemy
 * Animagi Training
 * Divination
 * Healing (?)
 * Muggle Studies (?)
 * Mythology
 * Pink Magic (?)
 * Wandlore

Birthdays

 * Patricia Hayden (age 13): April 29; turns 14 on June 30th OOC
 * Professor Paige Turner (age 71): June 5
 * Thomas Hayden (age 17): July 14
 * Teresa Waters (age 20): October 22
 * Mary Waters (age 24): November 2


 * Professor Joseph Euclide (age 45): January 2
 * Ashley Flame (age 25): April 22

End of Battle Story
A battle of the biggest perportions ever presents itself before the order. The Order and Ministry (along with the goverments of the world) fight against the villians Battles throughout the world which we see from Brandon’s point of view. Back and forth through the towns he checks in with his commanders. Presidents/leaders have named him General of Combined forces. He leads forces and armies from across the world fighting against thousands of dark wizards many characters die on both sides Soon the major part of the war starts in london *Make Maps of locations under control* The Villains start to push forward. Then are fought back to the edge of London, to big ben Muggles are watching and running in a scared mysterious sort of way. Policemen trying to control the scene with guns but failing. The REAL minister is telling the people to stay calm and that this is a military training operation gone wrong. TV reporters from across the world are confused trying to discover the reason behind it. Suddenly a very important character dies. Villians take control of most of london. Brandon soon pushes them back along with high ranking members of the order. Brandon personally goes into Buckingham (where Ormound is controling the feild from) He says he needs to fight this fight. Alone.

The Curious Incident: 1st Response
I knew that there is something different about Christopher when he cannot figure out what the emoticons Siobhan drew are meant to represent. When he assaulted the police officer, it led me to believe he had 'special needs'. When Christopher describes how everyone has "special needs", it confirmed my suspicions. I did not realize his 'special need' was autism, however. Christopher strikes me as a person with a very different but gifted mind because, although his actions are a bit odd, he is very gifted with memorization skills and mathematical skills. The majority of the problems listed in the list of Behavioral Problems reveals his autism. Autistic people generally have good memorization skills, keep to themselves, dislike physical contact, and have intense losses of temper. Christopher knows a number of facts, such as the two types of heart attacks; he usually keeps to himself, and no 'best friend' has been mentioned; he says that does not like being touched and hits a police officer for touching him; and he says that he often screams or smashes things when he is angry or confused. I believe the remainder of the novel will stay extremely focused on the murder of the dog because autistic people rarely stray from one topic, and the clues to the murder will come very slowly.

OK, I prefer to comment after, and leave you to make changes (or not) as you see fit. :)

First, I have a difficulty with the constat changes of tense - either you knew when Christopher could not comprehend emoticons, or you know when he cannot. This applies throughout this section.

Second, I would try not to repeat the word gifted in the fourth sentence; consider a synonym like talented.

Third, I would be a little careful with generalisatons about autistics, as it is now seen as a spectrum. I would therefore use "often" or "frequently" instead of "generally" in this sentence.

2nd Response
My response to Christopher hasn't changed too much because what I perceived before about his singularity and talents remains true. I do sympathize with him a lot more now that the reasons for his mother's departure have been revealed, and the true murderer of Wellington has been revealed. Mr. Boone should have been more caring and aware of his wife's feeling of misplacement in the family. Killing Wellington was completely unjust; it was not the dog's fault that he was suffering the anguish of losing his wife. However, I commiserate with him because he did lose his wife, and it came as a shock. For the remainder of the novel, I believe that Christopher will attempt to run away from home to his mother's house, and in the end there will be a way for Christopher to see both his mother and his father on an everyday basis.

In this section, which I must say I like, the only real note I have is to suggest more proper nouns instead of some pronouns for clarity - there are vast number of "he"s, not always easy to distinguish.

3rd Response
My initial feelings regarding the overall work did not change as the novel progressed. This was not a particularly appealing work for me because the central plot failed to capture my interest. The murder of a dog did not intrigue me in the slightest, and I did not find Christopher to be a distinctly likable character due to his mood swings and irrational behavior. I understand that a great deal of his character comes from his autism, but nevertheless he remained disagreeable in my eyes. Others may see, respect, and relate to his mathematical skills, his truths, and his unique temperament. I found it difficult to relate to him because he does not think in the same manner that I do. The novel ends the way I expected it to end; Christopher lives with his mother in the end, but still sees his father on a regular basis. I was not surprised by any of the events in the novel, though I admit there were some twists in the plot I could not predict, such as the discovery of Christopher's mother being alive. The novel did not retain an intriguing sense of mystery, and I cannot say I am any different from having read it.

This section we've already discussed in some detail. I, obviously ) think it works.

The Time Machine: Project Report
The theme centered around this project is based on a quote from page 79 of The Time Machine: Nature never appeals to intelligence until habit and instinct are useless. There is no intelligence where there is no change and no need of change. The project is featured on a green charter place. The green color is a representation of the forest floor in the year 802,701 A.D. The roundness of the charter plate is symbolism for the phrase 'a circle is round; it has no end'. There is no change at this time. The blue circle within represents a river; a sign of life. On the outer bank of the river are sets of 4 black pom-poms, symbolizing the Morlocks. There are four because the number 4 represents consistency. They are in the same of a diamond, symbolizing the phrase 'diamond in the rough'. The Morlocks have the knowledge of machinery; they retain some intelligence, the 'diamond in the rough'. They are beginning to cross a bridge to 4 white pom-poms in a line; the Eloi. This symbolizes that the Eloi are the prey, while the Morlocks are the predators. Behind the Eloi are trees, to represent the forest. In the middle is a gray diamond shape, another symbolism of the 'diamond in the rough'. Outlining the shape of the diamond are light bulbs, a symbol for ideas. They are not lit; there are no ideas guided by intelligence. The heads of the lightbulbs are pointing clockwise, to show that this place is the future, not the past. In the very middle is a the African symbol of intelligence, broken up into pieces, to show that intelligence is lost in this world.

OK, here I'm not sure what you mean by "a green charter place".

They are in the same (what) of a diamond?

Symbolism is a process, so here simply "symbol". "Representation" would also be fine.

Well, it's a complex and fascinating analysis overall, and I for one had not heard several of those elements before. :)