User blog comment:Ildsjel/An Open Letter/@comment-14365624-20190817170646/@comment-38884057-20190818045421

This is a lot to unpack, so I'll try to address things as I see them. However, if I missed anything, please let me know so I can go over it and talk with any of you about it more in-depth.

Frankly, even if it should go unsaid, I agree with everything Kib said. I'd especially like to highlight one sentence of hers, which is: "Stop feeling like you're being attacked just because someone noticed how dysfunctional the wiki has become, and grow up." Before you begin claiming I'm making a personal attack by posting this blog, I'd like you to breathe deeply and read the blog again. Do I mention any names? Do I specifically say it's the administration team's fault? If not, then why do you think it's about that? Why does it strike a chord, if I don't even insinuate it's about any one group in particular? I tried to remain as impartial as possible, and the outstanding amount of responses I got trying to claim I was anything but are as disheartening as they are hurtful. How can any of us hope to fix anything if nobody - not even an administrator - feels comfortable enough to bring up a topic she views as important?

It was never about looking back at a reality that never was. That DARP is, as Livia so creatively put it, dead, and she's not going to pick up the phone as much as we want it to. One line in particular from Livia's message really stood out to me, and I'd like to highlight it just to explain how I feel about it and why: "It really derails the conversation of how we can move forward when we're always looking back at a reality that can never be again." Sadly, many of us are living the stories that other lived in 2013, 2014, and 2015. Some of you have grown more comfortable over time, but unfortunately, there are those who have slowly become more uncomfortable and chagrined by DARP. Much like Kib, there have been many times where I've felt ostracized and have been reduced to tears. As a matter of fact, it happened so frequently, I left the DARP Discord server altogether. So I ask this: how can we move forward when some of us have no other option but to live in the past?

I feel like I've said this like 87 times in the past hour, but I can't let it slide because it defeats the purpose of this entire blog. Why do people keep accusing me of blaming the administration team? I went well beyond asking if it had to do with them. (Key word: asking. I didn't try to blame anyone. I tried to remain as impartial as possible and only mentioned the team when the time came to start asking why interest could be dwindling.) I referenced aesthetics, asking if there were areas that needed improvement within the wiki (IC), if we should implement user-friendly programs like the Big Sibling program, etc.

I feel frustrated that nobody has truly grasped the purpose of this blog and instead am being villainised for trying to bring up a conversation I view as necessary. Asking why something is wrong shouldn't make me look conceited or like I'm trying to find validation. It hurts more than I think anyone knows, and I think that speaks volumes about the severity of the situation. To this moment, I continue to contemplate whether I should truly stay and continue to fight, or give up altogether. As it is, I don't feel welcome here, nor do I currently feel any interest to roleplay or devote any time as administrator to a website that has been so on the defensive it's become offensive. I fear bringing up any kind of worry now because of any backlash that could come from it, and that's not how I or anyone else should be feeling. I understand tensions are high and this blog stirred negative feelings, but for a collection of young adults who proclaim we've all grown up, we sure aren't acting like it. None of us.