On Christmas Day, was the first time I burdened my parents. They were out with friends when I decided that now was the best time to come out of my mum's belly. So, my mum had to be rushed to the hospital so she could deliver me. What a great daughter I was bueden my parents with my exsistence on Christmas Day. After that much of it is a blur just my parents not really getting along but something that I do remember was a few days before my birthday I was at ballet practice and when I came how my dad had used magic to make an igloo in our front yard. I was very excited and I grabbed all the books I could carry and spent the rest of the day in my igloo But, this was the last good memory I had of my parents because next thing I knew my parents weren't living together and that is probably when the depression started.
I don't really know I first really noticed my depression. I was never really happy after my parents got divorced but i wouldn't say it developed to what it is now. It took years to get to this point. I was always bullied in school and out but never really let it get to me. 5th grade I started to show signs of depression and magic, what a concidence, huh? I didn't know what either were until later because I never really got to know magic, since my mother was a Muggle. But, as the year went on I started scratching myself, and feeling like nobody cared if I lived or not.
When I entered Drumstrang I realized what it was and then it got bad. I started cutting and crying hard every night. I have so many memories of me sitting on my bed crying so hard I couldn't breathe, my whole body would shake with each sob, trying to be silent so i wouldn't wake the other people that I shared my room with. That was when I started cutting and thinking about succide all the time, though I never attempted.
2nd year at Drumstrang wasn't too bad. I made some really great friends who i was able to talk about how I was feeling and they helped a bit. It was also when I discovered that music is my escape, especially singing, I know I suck but its how i let my emotions out. I found if you let them out through a healthly way, talking or music in my case, its different for everyone though it helps. Cutting honestly makes it worse, its a breif relief then the pain comes back even worse. But I then found out my best friends were going through the same thing. We all did our best to support each other and we still do but when it comes down to it we really are just a bunch of sucidal kids telling each other succide is not the answer, yet none of us could take our own advice. None of us believed we could go on, yet we knew so firmly that the others could. But somehow we all made it through the year alive.
3rd year of Drumstrang. It came in spurts. Sometimes I could be happy for days, weeks, even months and then something would trigger it and i'd fall back into depression. I just lost hope in everything because everytime it loked like i could finally be happy, somebody let me down or broke a promise or did something to hurt me and i just fell right back into that dark place.
About halfway through my 3rd year at Drumstrang during Christmas was my first succide attempt. My mum had found my letters to my friend and found out what i had done. I was owling one of my friends, Leo to say goodbye because he was my support group through it. His sister had done the same thing i did, but she got to a hospital on time to surrive. She told him what it was like so he kind of understood but not really. You can't ever understand unless you go through it.
Anyway I went to a Muggle doctor and i was diagonosed with severe depression and aniexty disorder. So I was put on medication and into private thearpy at Drumstrang for depression and group thearpy for aniexty. Eventually i convinced my mum i could stop the thearpy and going to Drumstrang because it brought back too many bad memories that haunted me at night.
Now, I am progressively better. Still crying every day, scratching a little, though not like before, not as often and only a little blood. No more cutting though, not with knives or anything. And I haven't has a succide attempt for about a month. So its not that bad as it was before. I am excited to start Hogwarts and maybe turn a new leaf in my life and maybe just maybe I can be better.
Elise is rather a paradox. When she is filled with a room of people she doesn't know she becomes shy and quiet and this could be because of her social aniexty. But, put Elise in a room with her friends and she will talk about anything with you and be the life of the party. But, her parents always push her too far and it gives her the sense that she will never be good enough for anyone. This shows in her relationship too, she clings to the person, but in her most recent relationships they have ended badly for her through cheating and other things. But, she loves her boyfriends very much and wouldn't want anything to happen to them or have them end up like her.