Ezra Lee

did i steal your heart? can i keep it?

lee

beomkyu

ezra

ezra beomkyu lee [eros vassiliou] is a twenty-year-old korean male from france. he is the son of [now deceased] ~~nova kim~~ and ~~lee beomju~~. he is one of the few surviving souls of the kairos extraction and currently works as a journalist for the minvera publishing house.

Home Message

love me, love me not

— i'll make you love me anyway

one

two

interview

1) What was your first incident of magic and how old were you?

six. imploded a van. i was being kidnapped. i was panicking, my underdeveloped magic was panicking. luckily i didn't implode the van i was in. but i imploded some van because i could hear it from the drivers and saw it through the windows, and remember starkly thing, 'i need to get out of here. i need some way to get out of here.' the van in front of us imploded, nearly caused us to crash into it. but we didn't. i still got kidnapped, so.

2) Do you believe in love at first sight?

no. but that's because i've never experienced it or met someone who has. it's a cute concept though. being able to find someone you think you'll be able to spend the rest of your life with instantly by just looking at them. sounds like a lit super power. but it happening in real life? don't know about that.

3) Have you ever been in love? If so, with who? If not, do you want to be in love?

no. don't even know what that is. the idea of being in love with someone, very foreign. especially now. i... i think i'd like to be in love. but really, i'm too scared to do anything about it. if someone... if someone comes into my life and is willing to invest their self's in the literal dumpster fire that i am, i can't promise that i'm just going to let them. but i guess i'll at least try. also, i dunno. i don't think i'm ready for a relationship. i have too much baggage. heard that's not really attractive for life-long partners.

4) If you weren’t raised by your parents, who did? How did you find yourself in this position?

i'm 99.9% sure i've been raised by just about fifty different people at this point. my actual parents, the how many number of adults i interacted with in the cult, the pairs of foster parents i had. i feel like it's important to mention now, that i was kidnapped by a psychotic, religious blood cult that wanted to turn me into the vessel for their savior or whatever. they forced me into the body of this kid with four other people, thinking the combining of our souls would do something. even though, that's apparently, not how soul chemistry works. that's what they called it. soul chemistry. kind of dumb if you ask me. though, turns out it was a lot of dark magic and delusional people. probably explains why i was in the care of so many different people.

5) If you’re not native to the UK, where were you born and how did you end up in the UK?

from what the file the cult had on me said, i'm from france. born and raised in paris. that's where they kidnapped me from. my parents, don't remember their names, but one of them was a model, the other a famous cook. their deaths spanned news for a few weeks due to the mysterious circumstances of it. from the research i remember. i got to the UK through a series of different events. being kidnapped by a cult and being forced into a body with four other people, probably one of them. we were adopted by a lot of different foster families, and once they got sick of dealing with all five of us, they sent us to someone else. last family i ahd was a french one, the martins. they were nice. devastated by the news. devastated even more when they found out three of their technically five adopted boys had died. i keep in touch with them still. visit for family holidays. they live in the countryside, so it's easy.

6) What is your most vivid memory? This doesn’t have to be a good or bad memory.

i have two. most vivid memories, i mean. and they're tied together. the first one, i guess, isn't necessary just one memory, but a string of experiences that i remember together. being kidnapped... when i was about, six, i think? some sessions of torture here and there. those parts of blurry, thankfully. i don't think how much more sane i could stay if i could clearly remember being tortured. and then there was the input. being forced into a body with four other people. i mostly remember a lot of pain. i couldn't see anything for a few days, i remember that. when i was sharing with kairos and the others i guess, that became a normal thing. we couldn't all see at the same time. so usually when i wasn't the one controlling the body or whatever, i couldn't see anything, just hear and feel things.

and we tried our best, to communicate in there. sometimes i don't understand how kairos' brain didn't just overload with the absolute influx of information 24/7, because you must understand, not all of us operated on the same schedule. sometimes i'd sleep in the day, while the others went to our classes. junil always seems to be up. it honestly felt like a dorm room, except in the expanse of someone else's mind. it was strange, to say the least. but uh, yeah, there was that. and the second vivid memory was the extraction itself. incredible, excruciating pain, before, during, and after. when we found out there was a chance we could get our bodies back, we all jumped at it. even when we were told the risks. that not everyone would make it. whenever i feel particularly hopeless and just... just want to end it, i think of kairos and ezekiel and aristaeus, the ones that didn't make it, the ones that deserved to make it just as much as junil and me, but it didn't work out. most days, i live more for them than i do for me.

7) When was the last time you cried?

er... yesterday. i finished an article right before a deadline and submitted it just in time. i cried in relief and then cried again out of disappointment for my poor time management skills. and then decided to go to bed. and then cried because i couldn't fall asleep. i do a lot of crying, actually. i think i've become a much more reactive person than i used to be emotionally. i'm surprised i haven't broken down in front of anyone yet, especially considering how social my job requires me to be with interviews and research and things like that. i guess it's only a matter of time though.

8) What do you think it means to be human?

how do i even answer this question? to be honest, considering my experiences, i'd say having a soul. my soul has been in three different bodies. well, technically really two. since i am technically back in my original body but like not at the same time? it's weird, i'm not gonna get much more into it than i need to but—having a soul. a soul enables you to feel and experience, even if it isn't physically. which is why ghosts exist, right? you can't be human without a soul, i feel.

9) How do you behave in a romantic relationship? If you’ve never been in one before, how do you think you’d behave?

have not had a single romantic relationship since the extraction for one reason—i don't know. how i'd behave that is. before the extraction, i used to partake in a lot flings. short month-long things, just to play around with different people, since what i was into. but now... now i feel like such a different person, i really don't know. and that's what i'm kind of scared of? if i don't know myself, why would i get close to another person and let them get to know me? doesn't make much sense in my opinion. also... because i guess i'm scared. i'm scared of having people to connect to. the idea seems pretty foreign to me after a few years. honestly, the idea of building a close relationship with someone scares me shitless—which is funny, because i used to be such an extroverted person. i guess trauma really does that to a person.

10)Who or what is your ‘kryptonite’?

can i just say everything? i dunno, myself, i guess. i feel like i cause a lot of problems for myself, just by being me. my overthinking and anxiety in particular. thinking about what would happen if the world ended tomorrow while washing the dishes doesn't put you in the greatest mood. the amount of dishes i've broken that way...

11)How do you react to negative emotions? How do you react to positive emotions?

i feel like the question itself would give you the answer. negatively and positively, duh. who reacts to negative emotions positively? a psychopath, maybe. but um, to really answer your question i guess, i tend to shut down. i mean like, once you get me going on one negative emotion, you get me going on all of them. i could be mad at someone, and next thing i know, i'm upset, anxious, sad, disappointed, frustrated, annoyed, and anything else on the spectrum. and i think i overload because no human being should have to endure that many emotions at once. so... i overthink, i overload, and then i oversleep. to recuperate. positive emotions? i acknowledge them, i suppose. like... they exist. that's all for me. not a good practice, apparently, according to my therapist, but that's how i do... so.

12) Do you have instances in your past that you’d prefer not to tell people?

are you sure you don't mean 'my whole past'? everything about my background is things i'd love not to tell people, but thanks to the news, i am infamous to anyone willing to search my name up. the fact that millions of people, i don't even know, know my whole life story because of an article that blew up, doesn't sit well with me, but i can't change it so... ironically enough, i'm a journalist despite despising the industry for being affected by it. funny how my life does stuff to me like that.

13)What’s your education history? Do you enjoy learning and the way Hogwarts is taught?

education history? i don't remember anything before hogwarts, so i guess that's probably my only education—i don't really know. i read... well, there's been a lot of news articles on me i guess. or... well, kairos. but, i've read them and i've been some places. durmstrang, beauxbatons... hogwarts. i know some dark magic, if you wanted to know. not that i use it, but just so you know. i spent my time at hogwarts up to the extraction and well... graduating, much more focused on the people than i was the classes, so i can't really answer the question. though, i will admit, in seventh year before the extraction, i may or may not of hit on a couple professors. look, i wanted drama and controversy. let me live.

14) Do you have any mental or physical afflictions?

honestly, let's go down the list. well, there's obviously post traumatic stress disorder, i think that goes without saying. and then there's general anxiety disorder, that one developed after the extraction. my therapist, or my assigned one i guess, i didn't do much to pursue one initially, i was more... aggressively suggested one by a ministry worker—but my therapist said i also have symptons of bipolar personality disorder. really fun if you ask me. he says that one more likely developed as a result of the PTSD, and i don't disagree with him, but it just makes me look back and think just how fucked i am now. oh, and depression, but i've been depressed since i was a pre-teen, so i guess... i didn't find it that important to mention. i get by well enough on the medicine i'm prescribed. i have checkups with my therapist regularly. it's difficult, but most of the time, i get over myself and get stuff done. though sometimes... merlin, sometimes, i just want to fling myself off something to stop thinking. just to stop thinking. i'm always thinking, it's infuriating. there's also times where i just want to fling myself off something because i'm completely done with myself and the world, but i tend to keep that part of me in check.

15) Are you happy with the path that you've found yourself on? How would you change it if you could?

really? merlin, no. who would be happy to be an ex-lab rat from a psychotic religious cult, who forced you into a body with four other kids who you had to grow up with part of your life—sorry, i'm rambling. uh, but yeah, no. i don't really know how i could change it, considering most of things that happened to me were not my fault. i don't think i could really just tell the cult, 'i'm not feeling it', and they'd let me go, you know? it's unfortunate, but it is what it is.

16) How's your financial situation? What's your main income? Do you rely on anyone? Do you want to rely on them or be more independent?

i mean, i was apart of the newspaper club all my years at hogwarts so, i decided to try my hand at professional reporting. i work as a journalist under the minerva publishing house. i somehow managed to snag a job right out of graduation, which was great, really... but it surprised me, especially considered my circumstances of all... applicants. anyway, i'm doing well enough. i'm not dirt poor, and i can treat myself every once and awhile, but sometimes i have to work really hard to get plenty of pieces done before a deadline if i want to eat for the next month. it generates a lot of anxiety, honestly. but i don't really know what else i'd do. i did a lot of art stuff as both a kid and a teenager but like... i dunno. as much as i'd love to pick it back up again, i don't really think i'm in a position to do so.

17) Do you find yourself changing your appearance often, and for what reasons do you or do you not do this?

in the beginning... both as a kid and after the extraction, yeah. as a teenager, i think i had the best control over it than i ever really have had. now, well... i don't. it's hard to just switch to a completely different body that i don't know whatsoever. so it manipulating it is much more difficult. i'm re-learning though, i guess. it's a slow process, but i'm getting there. sometimes i'll just be sitting myself, thinking, i guess, and all of a sudden, i'm like fifty different heights and skin colors and hair colors in the span of a few seconds. i've freaked a few people out, i think.

18) How did you find out you had this ability? Is it a common trait in your family? How did everyone, including yourself, react?

there wasn't really a 'finding out', i kind of just always knew. i guess that means i figured it out when i was a kid and just don't remember? i don't really know. i just know that i've always been aware i could do this, pre-extraction, whatever. i honestly don't remember my family very well, so when they found out, if they did, i don't really know how they reacted. like i said, i've always kind of just... known. so i don't really think you can garner a reaction from that, i guess? i dunno. there's a lot of missing holes in my memory. too much time spent with other people that aren't me. too many things i've gone through. it's a blur.

19) Have you ever used your abilities for malicious reasons?

i mean, before the extraction—definitely. i was a frustrated teenager, trapped in the body of someone i wasn't with four other people that frankly, i didn't always get along with. i wanted to take this guy out for a day but junil wanted to finish painting, and kairos wanted to study, and ezekiel wanted to take a nap, and asuka wanted to read. sometimes i just needed to take out my annoyance on someone else. so... sometimes i pretend to be someone else. like for instance, there was this bully in my year? park ilman, i think. i'd pretend to be him once or twice, and push some kid around when i really couldn't help myself. but now, when i'm much more focused on even being able to use my abilities, i don't. sometimes my emotions come over me and i lose control of it, but i never intend to use it on purpose.

20) Do you struggle to control your abilities?

sometimes? it's getting better now. better than it was right out of... the extraction. sometimes when i'm stressed or overthinking or generally anxious, i guess, i'll start changing body forms rapidly—b-but for the most part, i have it under control. it's... it's a day by day process though. it's hard, to learn to regain control of something i used to be able to do so... easily. i find myself frustrated often, when i can't do what i want. sometimes i spend hours sitting in front of a mirror, training myself to be able to change my eye color to one specific color at will. it's... it's excruciating to say the least. how frustrating the situation has been.

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