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The Cutest Double Date but Jungjeon Still Wants to Die[]
"Maybe if you tried turning it off, you might be slightly more appealing as a person," Jungjeon suggested, entering the restaurant space. He had to admit he was impressed. Ezra hadn't given up on making conversation, which was new but then again this was the same guy that would keep asking him questions when all he'd reply with was a shrug. He shouldn't be surprised at all.
18:29, January 30, 2019 (UTC)
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He sat down, nodding in fake contemplation. "Well, typically that's what you do on a date. Convince them you're appealing." He leaned back and took the place in. Yeah, he hated aquariums, but this place was nice, almost calming in a way. He crossed his legs, thinking about how he got stuck in this mess in the first place. Too bad murder's illegal.
19:00, January 30, 2019 (UTC)
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Ah yes, another reminder that he was indeed going on a date with his therapist. Why is the world so damn small? "Don't bother, I'm going to forever have the image of you whispering in my ear seared into my head so you can't really change that, now can you doctor?" His tone was nonchalant, but his words were not. His eyes strayed from the attractive man in front of him to the rest of the restaurant and back again, trying to find something to focus on.
19:29, January 30, 2019 (UTC)
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Jungjeon's attention snapped into focus at this. What did Ezra mean? He narrowed his eyes at the other for a few seconds before straightening his posture and opening the menu, slightly suspicious. Eventually, he reassured himself that he was overreacting and calmed down, busying himself with the menu. His phone buzzed in his back pocket and he took it as an excuse to leave for a few minutes. When he came back, he was wearing his usually stoic expression, and the only thought he had was about a small headache.
20:01, January 30, 2019 (UTC)
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He stared at Ezra for a few seconds and shrugged, briefly glancing over to the tanks. "Depends, do you think they register the sea-food?" he asked, tilting his head. "And think about it... if they could, they would be avoiding swimming so close to the glass or maybe they'd swim even closer and try to break out maybe..." He dribbled his fingers on the table and sighed, going back to playing with his sleeves. He should've taken his antidepressants today, he realized, but he seemed unusually fine. He hoped it stayed that way, the last thing he wanted to do was have an episode in public. The thought of it rose his anxiety just a little bit. Stop it, Jungjeon. Focus. "Have anything else to ask?"
20:39, January 30, 2019 (UTC)
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Ask him a question? What's he going to ask him? It's not like he was particular interested in any aspect of his—No, Jungjeon, don't you dare ask him about his hookups. 1) If it hasn't been pointed out several times already, he's your therapist. 2) Just because you're on an accidental date with him doesn't mean you can just cross boundaries like that. 3) Yeah, okay, he's hot, and? You're making it very hard to reason against this. Okay, fine. We keep this to ourselves but give him what he wants, ask him a question. Nothing about relationships. Don't encourage this or you're never going to hear the end of it from Felix or Hwanseong or probably even Jungkook. "I suppose you're right," he said in defeat. "Fine, where'd you go to school?" What would encouraging this even mean? As if they're going to make this a habit. Wait, what if this actually goes well and they actually do date? Jungjeon's anxiety began to rise a little more the more he thought to himself. Maybe he should keep talking, the more talking he did, the less thinking.
21:12, January 30, 2019 (UTC)
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"You okay there?" he asked at Ezra's cough. Ezra was doing a lot of weird things, and it slightly intrigued him as well as made him more suspicious. "Hogwarts?" Ezra couldn't have been in his year, or else he would've remembered him. Maybe his house? Honestly, he didn't really know. He graduated early as well and didn't spend much time getting to know anyone in his house regardless. If he had knew Ezra in Hogwarts, he likely would've forgotten. He blocked a lot of Hogwarts memories because most of them weren't good ones. It made him feel kind of bad. Maybe... Maybe they could've been friends or... "Ah, our new outrageous minister," he sighed. "Muggle London was... relaxing I admit."
02:32, January 31, 2019 (UTC)
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A lawbreaker? How interesting. There really was so much he didn't know about Ezra. He didn't think of him to be the type of person to break the law, but once upon a time, no one would've thought Jungjeon would've turned out depressed and struggling to hold on the few slivers of happiness in his life. "A miracle you haven't been caught yet," he mused, thumbing through the menu, although his eyes only glazed over. Soon enough, someone would come over to take their food but until then, Jungjeon had to pretend he was looking for something to eat because he really had zero appetite. His appetite had been nonexistent for the past two days actually. "What house were you?" he wondered out loud, little intent on asking the question but just a bit more interested in getting an answer.
04:38, January 31, 2019 (UTC)
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Jungjeon watched Ezra order with pure confusion, surprised to be cut off as Ezra ordered for him. How did he know he liked fried chicken? Or was that just a random guess based on something else? As far as he knew, they've never talked about food before besides well... making sure Jungjeon ate food on a regular schedule like a regular person so his body could y'know, function properly. It was just bizarre in general, and he couldn't manage to say anything about the situation because he was just so confused. Damn, just because Ezra had ordered for him he was going to have to eat something. Fine, he'd eat something and give the rest to Jungtae, it'd be okay. "Same," he murmured, returning to playing with his sleeves again with nothing to do. "I wonder how we never encountered each other," he said, without much thought into it.
05:54, January 31, 2019 (UTC)
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"Doubt it," he said blatantly. Jungjeon was sensing a colder air from Ezra, possibly just because that's the type of air he tended to carry in general. Ezra seemed more distant than before, or that could be Jungjeon fooling himself and thinking that Ezra had ever been close in the first place. "I'm very forgettable," he finished. He was, well, at least he thought he was. There were so many times where he'd been mistaken for Jungkook. Even Jungtae sometimes, which was surprisingly compared to how quiet he was. There was nothing about him that brought any attention to him whatsoever. He was kind of just... there. Not that he's complaining or anything. He's fine without the attention. Really.
06:40, January 31, 2019 (UTC)
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He looked up at Ezra, becoming more fidget-y at the statement. What kind of effect? He'd be surprised if anyone ever noticed him walk into a room. He was uninteresting. Boring, even. An unappealing personality, with no compelling desires, no story to tell, nothing. Maybe that's what was wrong with him. He felt like nothing because maybe he is nothing. He took in a sharp breath and looked away, getting too many pent up feelings looking into Ezra's eyes like that. It was like looking into a hypnotizing void, almost. He know he should look away but for the life of him, couldn't. Well finally, he did, and his line of sight went to the empty table across from them as he said, "I don't know what you mean."
07:10, January 31, 2019 (UTC)
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"I..." Jungjeon had nothing to argue to that. Well, he'd probably think of something later, something that would drag his spirits lower most likely, but at the moment, he was almost... dumbfounded at the statement. He didn't know why he didn't want to admit it but Ezra was right, and it made him kind of frustrated. Why could everyone but him see his potential? He didn't understand. He hated that he couldn't see it. He hated that he didn't understand. Well fuck, he pretty much just hated himself. "So I'm blind. Amazing, thank you doctor," he remarked sarcastically. He'd handle the true weight of the revelation later.
07:33, January 31, 2019 (UTC)
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He had no idea what the last part meant but was too emotionally tired already? it's like two pm dude to worry about it. He glanced at the food. It made him feel slightly queasy just to think about putting something in his mouth and forcing himself to eat it. It really shouldn't be this hard yet it was anyway. He quietly picked up a chicken wing and bit into it, enjoying the taste for a little while. That's all he had to do, focus on the taste. Not the chewing, not the swallowing, not anything else. Just the taste. Come on Jungjeon, eat. You can do it.
07:55, January 31, 2019 (UTC)
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He thought about for awhile. Yijung had always had a weird character. Kind of interesting how they of all people became such good friends to be honest, but he was loyal and kind and too good for this harsh world. "He's... eccentric," Jungjeon filled in. "I don't want to say naive but he's... not the brightest sometimes."
08:10, January 31, 2019 (UTC)
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"I think..." he drifted off. "I think Yijung needed him too." You had to admit, the two seemed to complete each other, and Yijung definitely seemed a lot happier since he started dating Seo. Jungjeon wondered if a relationship could really do that for someone. Seo and Yijung were clear evidence but likewise, Jungjeon had his doubts. He almost wanted to try it. Almost. "Sometimes I think I'm somehow affecting Yijung," he admitted quietly. "Like hanging out with me is going to make him less happy or something."
08:37, January 31, 2019 (UTC)
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Ezra talked as if he had conducted a one-on-one talk with Yijung about him or something. Maybe Ezra had called him back with Yijung called him when he found out who Jungjeon's therapist was. Who knows. He didn't understand how you could just get all of that from a simple look but then again, he wasn't a therapist. "You... you think so?" He had never opened up this much to anyone in such a short amount of time. Even telling Yijung about his depression and bad habits had taken at least a year in itself, way past the time Yijung had started getting suspicious that he wasn't okay. Maybe he should talk to Ezra more. In appointments of course. As if they're going to date.
08:55, January 31, 2019 (UTC)
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He rolled his eyes at that. Ezra was right, that was his goal supposedly. It might as well be as good as an opportunity as any to complete the task. "Yes," he sighed. He had somehow managed to eat half a chicken wing without vomitting so he was doing pretty good. It had been a slow, excruiating process but he was okay which was okay. "Do you count?" he said slyly. "You are my date, doctor."
09:16, January 31, 2019 (UTC)
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He did it again. He called him Jeonnie. At some point of this period of time, he'd transitioned more to liking it than wanting the nickname to fade into irrelevancy. "Depends doctor," he retorted. "Do you?" Wow, even if Jungjeon actively tried to avoid talking about relationship stuff, it was ironic how they wre now randomly getting into a conversation about kinks. Amazing. "If you're not doctor right now, you should count."
09:29, January 31, 2019 (UTC)
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"Well," he started out, "we have to start with something." Whether he liked it or not, his stoic expression was slowly slipping away. Ezra was infuriatingly easy to get along with and Jungjeon half wondered if this was some therapist technique that had just never been tried on him. Yes, the classic "accidentally go on a date with your client to get him to open up", so rarely used but very effective. "I shouldn't have to talk to you out of the office so yes, you should count," he countered. "Look, I'm talking to someone. Be proud of me, doc."
18:28, January 31, 2019 (UTC)
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Everytime he called Jungjeon that stupid nickname, Jungjeon began to like it even more. He swore he could just melt at that nickname, and it was becoming a problem. "But you haven't told me yours," he pointed out, shaking his head. "You should set an example, doctor." He, all of a sudden, remembered the name Ezra had been referred to by Seo and Yijung. Seokhyun. Interesting.
20:28, January 31, 2019 (UTC)
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Blindfolds? Surprising but fitting. Ezra really did seem like the type of person who would be into something like that. An image of Ezra naked in handcuffs and a red blindfold flashed in Jungjeon's head, causing him to shiver at the thought of it. Everything about the image seemed so wrong but so damn right. "Mmm..." he hummed in contemplation, pouring himself a glass of wine. "Depends on whatever's around..." He couldn't stop thinking about it. Ezra on his knees with his hands tied behind his back... He needed to stop letting his mind wander. "But restraint. Handcuffs, rope, chains, things like that."
22:02, January 31, 2019 (UTC)
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"I didn't pin you as the blindfold type," he countered. "But, I agree. It's very hot." He closed his eyes for a second and then opened again, dissolving the images in his head to focus on Ezra's question. "Do you work outside of the office a lot?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. It was something he couldn't necessarily describe out loud, but something about seeing someone concentrate on work or similar things turned him on. Probably a good thing he doesn't have a boyfriend, or one who works often or else he'd likely be all over them twenty four seven.
22:43, January 31, 2019 (UTC)
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He smiled, somewhat, and looked down at the table, taking a sip of wine. "It'd be hard to explain," he said. "But I shouldn't be around while you're making calls." Maybe he might consider making this real. It was stupid really, everything about it was wrong but maybe they could make it right anyway. They. Jungjeon was thinking about the two of them together. He wondered when he had lost his resolve. When he had started thinking about "they" instead of them as two separate individuals with no chance of... "How'd you meet Seokhyun?"
23:12, January 31, 2019 (UTC)
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He furrowed his eyebrows, dazed at his own mistake. "Yeah," he corrected. "I meant Seojoon." Why had he even said Seokhyun in the first place? He must've been out of it or something. "No, it makes sense. I'm just... um..." He exhaled and put down the wine glass, looking up at Ezra. "I kind of miss Korea," he mumbled. "Like I don't but I do. It was home, y'know? But at the same time I'm afraid that if I stayed there... I'd just.. I'd just get worse. South Korea has a lot of societal pressures, I'm sure you know." He cleared his throat and finished eating. At least, finished eating what he could. It was better than usual. Two whole wings. He'd usually vomit halfway through the first one.
23:51, January 31, 2019 (UTC)
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Jungjeon nodded attentively and sat up, trying not to make it look obvious he was looking around for a clock. "Maybe we should uh, finish up and go find the other two," he suggested quietly. The whole conversation had further solidified what Jungjeon had been afraid of in the first place. An actual relationship. While his excuse most of the time is, "I'm not stable enough for relationship" which is really only half true, he's afraid of being in one. He's afraid of not being enough again for someone, and he doesn't know if he could do it again. But even if he wanted to deny it all he wanted, there was chemistry between Jungjeon and Ezra, and that could definitely become something big. Something good. Something that might finally give him the push to really get better, to try just a little bit harder to fight for himself against his mind. "They'll probably want to... look at gift shop stuff and oogle or something for awhile."
02:38, February 2, 2019 (UTC)